In 24 hours
In what MUST be divine intervention
In what MUST be listening to the universe
In what MUST be communing with the ancestors
In what MUST be trusting my heart and my inner voice and saying no to critics
I “accidentally” was pushed in multiple directions
Multiple roadblocks set up around me, where I had to find loopholes
And all brought me multiple things, interactions, people, and places
Most noteworthy three museums, THREE (I usually hate museums)
That I found “by accident”
With ZERO plans of going to previously
That sparked ideas that came from seemingly NOWHERE
That touched upon the intersectionality of everything that has been important to me in my whole life
Things I have been passionate about and have studied my WHOLE LIFE
Math, science, technology, machines, calculators, computers, coding, women in stem, women’s voices, DANCING, language, education
Even my damned insomnia and reflux.
EVERYTHING
That my last moments here in Warsaw
A town I was told was “uninteresting and ugly,” amongst other bad things
(All of which were true, to a degree)
Made me find myself in a neon museum, choking back tears, finding it hard to catch my breath
The kind of feeling inventors must get, when creativity sparks so hard that you MUST pursue it
The kind of feeling that dreamers and artists must get that makes them pursue those ideas at the cost of their own financial independence and comfort
The kind of feeling that marathoners must feel that drives them to finish what they’ve started despite intense physical and mental anguish
Call it mania
Call it a fever dream
Call it what you will
I call it getting a glimpse into what it means to (re)discover your purpose, to see with clarity and lucidity your future which only one day prior felt undetermined
Whether I’m right or I’m wrong, this is how I feel today and right now, and if I feel differently about it tomorrow then SO WHAT
(I feel the same way about being in love, by the way)
I have never lived in the moment. For the last two years I’ve been trying to do better.
This week I said that what I need to do is to…
Write more.
Create more.
Love more.
All without fear
So here I am. Writing. Creating. Loving. With only one fear.. that maybe my flight will go down and I’ll never get the chance to fulfill this fever dream, this renewed sense of purpose.
And all of this happened, in a neon museum in Poland (where I have ancestry) on a street named Minsk (where I have Belarusian ancestry.)
This is not an accident. None of this.
So be prepared… you might see the occasional display of vulnerability and spirituality that you’ve never seen and may think “is Cindy ok? Does she need help? She’s acting differently.”
I do not, and I don’t need help.
I’ve never had more clarity.
This is exactly where I was meant to be today, at exactly this time.
I always saw myself moving to Latin America on and off.
But I have been feeling, for a good 7 months, that actually, all roads have lead to Poland.
And as much as I adore my amazing Polish boyfriend, I don’t even mean him.
I mean Poland.
This is why I choose to regret nothing in my life.
This is why I choose to trust, over and over, people and the process of trusting
Because all roads, even the worst ones, propel you further to discover who you are, what you are meant to be, and who to choose to accompany you on this journey. And by that I mean, platonic and otherwise.
So here I am, saying NO to fear, saying YES to whatever lies ahead, saying YES to taking risks and exposing myself, vulnerable and raw, to the my friends, and whomever else is reading.
Because I’ve chosen all of you to accompany me on this journey.
And if it weren’t for you, there would be no me.
So thank you all, in your contribution, however small, great, good or “bad,” thank you for helping me be…. Me.
What a priviledge it is to grow into the finest version of myself. -rumi kapur
POST SCRIPT: all of this was written in one draft, without edit or revision, and poured out of me like water in the 24 min ride to the airport. In a world where FB is now offering to write your posts for you with AI, I think this is important to note… Mika Roque Luis Loret de Mola I’m talking to you
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